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I feel so much better after letting it all out to you, Rin ... Thanks a lot, babe! Honestly appreciate your views and advices.

I'll keep on praying and seek for an answer from Allah.

For now, I'll just keep my silence.

Don't you dare do your psychology on me! Don't you dare twist my words and make things bigger!

That fight is between me and you, why did you have to complain the words I've said to him? Literally, he was not involved but since you hurt my feelings with your harsh words, I had to say something that would hurt you equally. My words hurt you, didn't they? Coz yours hurt me a great deal ...

But guessed what?

You defended him, obviously. "Who am I?" you said. Who are you to say those words to me?

If you had kept your mouth shut and mumbled the words you had to say to yourself, this would not have happened. My patience has its limits, and it exploded when you crossed the line.

I cursed you? Come on, don't tell me you've never cursed or scold ppl the 'bad words' before! Don't be such a hypocrite and act that you're innocent!

The painful words I blurted out did not come out of thin air. I witnessed something in the house which lost my utmost respect for him, which I won't say it here.

I was trying to be nice and give cookies as a gift, which my mom especially requested from me. She wants to give the cookies as a token of appreciation but since he doesn't want them anymore, then that's fine. Why give something to someone who doesn't appreciate your effort? I rather give it to someone else instead ...

If his views on me changed because of the words I used to spite her, then mine changed too.

Ever since that day you crossed the boundary ...

Wanna have a taste of my wonderlicious muffins????

I can't help but feel pressurized knowing that two of my girlfriends is engaged / getting engaged. Peer pressure, you can say. Most of my friends have a boyfriend, I don't. Lately, I have been thinking about the matter a lot. Giving em a deep thought.

After the call with you, rinie ... I confided about my troubles to Hana and my mom. The talk became so personal and deep. I am glad to have shared my troubles with someone. It feels like a burden had been lifted off me.

My mom and sis gave me a lot of useful advices. I am going to pray to God every day, hoping that He would grant my wish one day. Hana's right. It is time to meet some guys and it starts right now! I'll have to work hard. If my mom, Hana or you girls can introduce me to a few guys, why not? I cannot be shy. Darn it. Sometimes I really hate the nature of my personality. It takes me some time to adjust to strangers. I am not the type who immediately clicks with a stranger on the first day of meeting.

I can't keep on hoping and do nothing. I'll have to keep on giving, and not think of the result. Mudah-mudahan murah rezeki.

One more thing ... I need to learn how to cook! It's about time I start. As a woman, it really is important to know how to cook. To be honest, I have absolutely no interest in cooking but for the sake of my future, I will try to learn to love it.

Knowing how to bake is an extra bonus.

Well, I am getting serious about this whole matter. I'll try my best to reduce the peer pressure in me. I'll seek for God's help and pray, and do whatever I can!

I can't wait to meet Rinie and Maira this Sunday! Because I am sure going to confide in you girls! I'll bombard you gals with my troubles! Be prepared!!! Hahahaa ....

P.S. To Rinie and Lisda, I am really happy for the both of you. From the bottom of my heart, congratulations. Korang dua, with Maira ... are my closest friends ever. I considered you all as my sisters. Maira and Lisda are my elder sisters that I never had, and Rinie ... my adopted younger sister. Keke.

Love you gals honestly! I am really thankful that God fated for us to me meet and be friends.

2nd of March.

My mother's birthday is coming in a few days ... On the 18th of March. 3 persons in my family shared the same birth month. The other being my youngest sis and elder bro. I've already bought her present. Thinking of buying donuts from Donut Empire on the day ...

Looking forward to it.

Planning to go for a short holiday with my family in June. I want to go to a place I've never been to before. Hmm, perhaps places of interest like, Kedah, Pahang, Ho Chi Minh, etc.

Hope my wish for a holiday becomes a reality.

My pocket literally burned when I hang out with Maira @ Orchard! I bought a LOT of stuff! The both of us decided to have our lunch at Pastamania after moments of hesitation where to eat. Maira recommended me the Chessy Ball Pasta. I can't recall the original name. It was scrumptious and I absolutely love it!

All in all, I bought stuff from Cotton On, Forever 21, Kinokuniya, SASA & Charles and Keith!

I am done shopping for the month of March! ;)

And to end this post, here's Maira who is in deep thought ....

I didn't make this. My mom did. It's her second time making it and the first to sell.

Isn't it beautiful and one of a kind? This cake deserves a post on its own!

Had a Chinese New Year gathering at a friend's house! We muslims ate only the halal foods. It was fun nevertheless to feel the CNY atmosphere with fellow Chinese friends. I got 2 red packets in the end!!!!! It's cool! :)))

Loaded with assignments to do ... it's hard for me to breathe. I don't mean literally, certainly. It's hard to juggle 3 assignments which deadlines are so near to one another! The group's project is almost to completion so that will leave me with 2 assignments. I have 3 weeks to complete them all.

I'm not gonna stress myself out and do my best ... There's a week Chinese New Year break so I'm going to use that time to do complete my assignments! I would have to start beforehand. I've always disliked doing last minute works. It will do me no good in the end. I will panic and everything will just go haywire ...

One month passed by so quickly! It's the 2nd month of 2010 already ...

Wow.

It's good to express your emotions to someone. From experience, keeping tight lip about my problems does not do me good. All the hurt and pain accumulates deep inside my heart. Without me knowing, it bursts into a tremendous eruption.

I talked to my friends in school and pretty much had their advices as well. They are mothers and understand both perspectives. So ... it was rather interesting. They made me feel a lot better. I feel as if a burden had been taken away from me. They do not know the existence of my blog but ... thank you.

Rin and Maira, thank you to you too. You girls don't know how blessed I am to have such good friends like you! From the bottom of my heart, thank you. You two managed to bring a smile to my faces despite my situation.

I am not on talking terms with my mom right now. My mom gives me that silent treatment whenever we 'fight'. It seems that I am the only one who she does that to. She could easily reconcile with other siblings when they fought. But not me ... Sometimes I do feel left out in this family. Like, unwanted ... being treated differently ...

Or maybe, that's just my feeling?

I follow the genes of my mother aparently ... I am very sensitive. The slightest thing could hurt and break me ... I may not show it but I'm such a fragile human being. I have lots of insecurities and complexes but that's what make us humans ... We are not perfect.

That's why I turn to my blog and friends ...

I am upsetting myself again. Haiz. Let's change the topic ...

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I'm excited for the field trip to Little India on monday! We need to pick a theme about indian culture for our assignment. My group chose the topic food so ... we are gonna taste a few Indian delicacies! We have to describe the taste, texture and so on ...

Sambil menyelam minum air ...

Hehe ...

:)

I'm feeling very frustrated!!! ARGH!

Can't even express myself at home ... I have a love hate relationship with my parents. After a tiring day at school, I had to face problems at home ...

The way she words her sentences just hurts, damn it! What I feel, my feelings, doesn't give a damn to her! Can't even show my frustration or hurt in front of her as that act of expression is considered disobedient. How more conservative can she be?????? I know she came from a very conservative family but this is just too much! This cannot, that cannot ... I've had enough of that! Whatever I do will never ever please her!

It's somehow suffocating to be in this family who has lots of rules and regulations. Too conservative, too much control. Sometimes I wish I could be free ... even if it means the freedom is limited. I'd rather have that than nothing at all.

Hadn't cried in ages! Usually the one who always make me cry is none other than my mother.

I love her, but I hate her. So bittersweet ...

:(

I went to Arab Street alone to search for the shop that sells head scarf (Arab style) at 4 for $10. Pretty and cheap! :D